Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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