watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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