I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
