i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
