If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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