Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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