I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
