we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
