I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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