There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
