I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
