I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
