TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
