i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
