It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
