i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i've created a new STD.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize