My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
