just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
