A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
