hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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