I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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