that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
