that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
