I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
