Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
