so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
