My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
