Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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