why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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