Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
