am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize