ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
