i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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