Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
