Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
