The brown eye won't let me do that either.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
