Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
