Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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