cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
