I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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