I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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