i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
