oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Found the puke drawer
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
