Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Mom said you looked used
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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