Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
