Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
