I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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