just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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