Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
