and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
