i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
