you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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