Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
