My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I lost the right to judge tonight
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
