That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
