We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
