i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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