I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
