I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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