if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Text me some of your sweat
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
