i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
