I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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