The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
