i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
