I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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