Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
