I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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