Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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