dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
