Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
