I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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