Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
