it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This is my gift to your gina
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
